Sitting in the In-Progress Place
Mar 12, 2026 | By Hannah Liu TC ‘29
Are we there yet?
I was never really one to ask that aloud. My little sister did, lots, but I would rather just peer over the front seat to check the GPS myself. It was just easier that way. I don’t like to inconvenience people. As a kid, I always made my sister ask the waiter if we needed an extra fork or another napkin. Even now, I sometimes avoid asking for things I want because I’d rather avoid the awkwardness.
But the reality (whether I like it or not) is that I do impact others. I inconvenience people with my needs, and sometimes my mistakes hurt others. My impatience. My laziness. My jealousy and self-loathing. And yeah, I know that Jesus wants me to receive love from other people, which means I have to let them see the not-so-nice parts of me. But… if I’m being honest, I hate that other people have to be patient with me (and that loving me is costly). I hate that I’m not quite “there yet,” not quite where I want to be. I want to be gentle, but I lash out. I want to be rested, but I keep giving in to things that keep me from rest.
Don’t you ever wish it was easier to internalize the truths you know in your head? God, why can’t you snap your fingers and speed up my transformation?
The more I walk with Jesus, the more I’m able to ask him to “break my heart for what breaks his”... but lately he’s been showing me just how much this brokenness begins with me (welp). God, I want to be more like you. I want to be loving, I want to learn to trust. I want to bear good fruit. Why can’t you just help me be changed already?
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This past semester, Jesus has been gently asking me a question. Child, has your desire to be transformed and bear fruit become more important to you than the treasure of actually being with me in the first place?
Maybe it has.
Don’t get me wrong—the whole point of living as a Christian is to be transformed by Jesus, and to enjoy and glorify him forever. But at some point, my shortcomings and my fear of not getting it all right became the final word over my life, rather than Jesus’ love. I’m afraid to love, because I know I can’t do it perfectly. I’ve stopped asking questions, because I’d rather not take the risk of messing up what I already have.
When did I stop relying on the grace of God to carry me where I’m at and start listening to the lie that I must know everything?
I see it at school too. Most days, it feels like rest is something everyone wants and no one has. We’re constantly striving, discontent with the present. We value perfection over presence. We try to quantify our lives and maximize our schedules to get to where we want to be, taking matters into our own hands. And when we don’t know what’s next, we panic and feel like we don’t belong or we’re falling behind. We’re afraid to lose control, afraid to sit in messy (humbling) places where transformation isn’t yet complete.
Even in ministry settings, it can be so easy to serve God our own way, instead of asking him how he wants us to serve him. We prioritize not offending people over challenging people’s hearts. We evaluate who we are based on how well we can serve.
Maybe we’ve forgotten what the gospel really means.
The whole point of depending on Jesus is to depend on him even when we don’t understand; to trust his timing, because we could never figure things out ourselves. Depending on Jesus means asking him to give us humility to fail sometimes. Depending on Jesus means admitting there are still so many places we need his truth to change us. In sooo many places…
But even our mistakes and missteps can be a step closer to him, because the whole point is to know him more and more. He’s taking us the long way, showing us the beauty in the valleys and the mountaintops. Reminding us that the most important thing is to be his. Friend, you are his beloved. As you wait with him for the fruit to grow, will you sit at his feet and let yourself be loved?
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Are we there yet? Asks my sister every ten minutes after we leave for my grandma’s house.
Why aren’t I there yet? Asks my heart almost every day.
I’m not there yet. But I think that’s good. God’s not in a hurry, so neither am I. I’m right where I’m supposed to be: I’m on my way… journeying with the one who loves me more than I can fathom. There’s no one I’d rather entrust my fears and shortcomings to, and there’s no place I’d rather be than right here with him.
I’ll leave you with a line from Benjamin William Hastings’ song “Homeward,” which has been stuck in my head recently: “I've asked You more than once to hurry up the plans… but what if where You want me is exactly where I am?”